


weightless

by colourmeblue



Series: you're the light (i want you close) [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 14:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10743453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Dying is almost calming. Sure, her chest is burning and she feels like her throat is going to collapse in on itself. But, it’s almost serene. It’s silence. It’s nothing.(or, a short-ish thing based on Alex in the tank in 2x19)





	weightless

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before the episode aired, so obviously it's all based on speculation!

It doesn’t take long for it to get dark.

It’s not dark in the tank. Actually, it’s annoyingly bright in the tank. But her mind feels dark. As if it’s slowly shutting itself off and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

Dying is almost calming. Sure, her chest is burning and she feels like her throat is going to collapse in on itself. But, it’s almost serene. It’s silence. It’s nothing.

At first, her mind drifts to nonsensical things. Nothing of any importance. As the oxygen is slowly deprived from her brain, she knows it’s not going to make any sense. The only prominent thought in her mind is that she’s dying. This is how she dies. She fights aliens for a living - some three times the size of her - and now she’s going to drown in a water tank.

When she first wakes up in the tank, she barely even remembers being taken. She’d fought with Maggie - over Kara - and Maggie had left. At the beginning of the night, things had been fine, and Maggie had agreed to spend the night like she usually does. She should’ve been expecting a blowout between the two of them. They’ve yet to find their common ground, but Alex isn’t too worried. They’re both incredible people, and they’ll both realize it eventually. She knew it would be too good to be true if they were close right off the bat.

Besides utter confusion, the first thing she feels when she wakes up is regret. She had fought with Maggie, and now Maggie doesn’t know where she is. She’s probably tried calling and texting and even visited her apartment and the DEO, and found nothing. She wouldn’t be able to imagine what that was like if the situation was in reverse. It reminds her of when she found Kara with the Black Mercy attached to her.

There’s no kind of fear like the fear you experience when someone you love is in danger.

Alex tries everything. She tries to break the glass, she uses her belt, she takes off her pants and tries to stop the flow of water coming through the pipe. However, whoever took her has clearly thought of everything. There’s no way out. Not on her own.

The one thing she does notice, however, is the camera in the corner. She doesn’t know who’s watching on the other side. Is it her kidnapper? Is it her loved ones? Is it nobody at all? However, once the water begins rising past her ankles, she realizes that it doesn’t really matter. She talks to Kara, she talks to Maggie, she tells them not to worry.

She wants to say sentimental things. She wants to tell Kara that she’s the light in her life, and that she couldn’t have asked for a better sister. That she shouldn’t worry about her, that she has to move on with her life once she’s gone (much like Kara had told her when she flew herself into space to save the world).

She wants to tell Maggie that she’s sorry that she never told her she loved her when she does so deeply. That she’s sorry for fighting with her over something they could easily work out together. That she’s sorry that she took so long to find her, and that she’s now leaving her, because Maggie’s the best thing that has ever happened to her.

Instead, it’s nothing like that. It’s just a constant reassurance that it’s okay. That Kara shouldn’t sacrifice a single thing for her, especially as Supergirl. That she’s far more important than she realizes; far more important than any of them. It’s trying to tell Maggie how she feels, but not being able to get the words out the way she wants. It’s being distracted by the water slowly rising up her legs, and reminding her that every breath she takes is close to being her last.

She knows that eventually she’s going to be talking to nobody. That Kara and Maggie and J’onn will be searching for her even long after her heart stops beating. It kills her that they’re going to find her dead. It kills her that the last words she’ll say will be to a camera when she doesn’t know who’s on the other side.

As the water continues to rise, she tries a few more desperate attempts at freedom. She doesn’t _want_ to give up, but she also doesn’t want Supergirl to give up what she stands for just to save her. It doesn’t help that they have absolutely no way of finding her unless they find her kidnapper. But she doesn’t want her last thoughts to be of them - whoever they are. They belong to Kara and Maggie and her friends.

She fights, and fights, and fights. Until all that’s left is trying to gain air in the little space she has left. She doesn’t have enough energy to continue punching the glass in a futile attempt to break free.

And then, she’s completely underwater.

Despite all training she has under her belt, she knows there’s no way to fight when the elements are against her. If she can’t breathe, she’s going to die. It’s as simple as that.

She continues to hover, suspended underwater, and her thoughts are focused on the ones who matter most to her.

J’onn. The father she had when her own father wasn’t around. Even when Jeremiah disappointed her in the end, J’onn was there to cushion her fall. Alex knows without a doubt that he would die for her. Put himself in this tank if it meant keeping her safe. She just hopes he knows how much she loves him, how much she appreciates every single thing he’s done for her. Without him, there may not even be an Alex Danvers. Especially not one who was doing anything important with her life.

Kara. The only reason she’s still standing tall. They have defied unimaginable odds together, and it’s only made them stronger. She feels guilty for all the years she spent envying her, _hating_ her because of who she was. Now, Kara’s the one person she can’t imagine living without. She’s Alex’s rock. Her support system. The only reason either one of them are still going strong is because they have each other. The biggest weight of all is the feeling of guilt knowing she has to leave her behind.

Maggie. Alex doesn’t think it’s too much of a stretch to call her home. She’s waited her whole life to find someone who makes her feel this way. The feeling that art has described for centuries. A feeling she’s never been able to relate to until now. She knows it’s a tragedy - for the both of them to finally be happy and _safe_ only to have it ripped away from them. She can’t say she wasn’t looking forward to their happy ending, but the idea of making Maggie suffer hurts more than not being happy.

As she fades away, the last thing she thinks of is her. She hopes that if she concentrates on Maggie hard enough, she’ll somehow know that Alex is always with her, even when she’s not.

\------

Alex is unconscious when the pressure is finally off of her body and her lungs. Although she’s not awake, her subconscious tells her that she’s alive. Somehow, she just knows that someone has made it to her. Whether she’s going to be okay, she doesn’t know, but she’s alive. Even if it’s only for a little while longer.

She doesn’t know _what’s_ happening, but she can sense a presence. Hear things. Feel pressure on her chest and mouth. Her lungs are desperate again; a feeling which had disappeared when she fell unconscious.

When she opens her eyes and takes that first breath, it’s like someone pressed the restart button on her brain. Suddenly she’s hyper-aware of multiple things happening around her. Figures hovering over her, sounds of people talking, feeling completely and utterly drenched and cold. Her chest is still burning, and not in a relieved kind of way, so she takes deep, heavy breaths.

When her vision clears up, she notices that it’s Maggie kneeling beside her, and Kara holding her hand from the other side. The front of Maggie’s shirt is wet and suddenly, it clicks for her.

Maggie has just saved her life. Kara broke the glass, and Maggie saved her.

She’s so tired, and her limbs feel like they’re made of stone, so she has trouble concentrating on anything else. She can hear them both talking to her, but she just can’t take it in. She vaguely remembers being lifted into a vehicle, and the slow and steady rhythm of someone running their thumb over the back of her hand.

\------

When she wakes again, she’s back at the DEO. It feels like she’s been asleep for hours, yet she doesn’t feel any better. The only thing that does is the fact that she’s no longer wet and freezing to death. Actually, she’s toasty warm underneath a large blanket. Meanwhile, her whole body still aches like she’s been beaten up, and her chest and throat are both screaming at her.

She notices Kara outside the room talking to J’onn, and Maggie is sitting in a chair beside her bed, looking right at her.

Maggie moves almost in slow motion, reaching over and taking Alex’s hand in hers. Maggie’s touch is pleasantly warm. Human. Alive. Something she was scared she’d never feel again. Something she never wants to be without.

“You saved me.” It surprises Alex just how hoarse her voice is. She’s the one who did CPR. She brought her back.

Maggie nods. “Kara was scared she’d hurt you.” Her lips tilt upwards slightly. “Super strength and all that.” Reaching forward further, she tucks some stray hair behind Alex’s ear, her hand lingering at her cheek. “And you sound surprised. You know I’d do it a thousand times over.”

Alex’s chest swells, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they were briefly filled with water. “I know.”

Maggie smiles slightly, but Alex can see right through it. She was terrified, it was written all over her face. “You should rest your voice. We can talk when you’re better.”

Alex knows exactly what she wants to say, because she feels it too. In every little thing she does, every moment she spends with Maggie, she only loves her more and more. The only thing she wants is to love her, and to spend as much time as possible by her side.

“I’m sorry, though.” Maggie says, her gaze trained on Alex. “I just wanted to… I’m so sorry, Alex. For all of it.”

Alex shakes her head, despite the fact that it hurts to do so. Reaching out herself, she grabs on to Maggie’s arm. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you ever.” Her voice cracks every time she speaks, and her breath is still wheezy, but she needs to get this out. “I don’t blame you, so don’t blame yourself.”

Maggie nods, but Alex can tell this conversation is far from over. Instead, she settles for reaching forward and placing a hand on Maggie’s cheek, thumb brushing her cheekbone affectionately.

“I can’t lose you,” Maggie whispers, and Alex can see the emotion building up in her. “Not you.”

“You won’t,” Alex murmurs in response. “We’re just getting started, Sawyer.”

Despite the light remark, her eyelids are growing heavy again, and it’s clear that Maggie notices. She lets Alex settle back into bed while still holding on to her hand. It’s the first time in two days where she drifts off completely unafraid.

When Maggie tells her she loves her later that night, Alex finally realizes she’s found the most beautiful feeling in the world. A sense of peace settles over her that is much more satisfying than anything she’s ever felt. She’ll never want anything more, especially with the way Maggie’s entire demeanor softens when she says it back to her.

All Alex hopes is that, for once, the two of them have finally stopped searching.


End file.
